Dear Mr. Raccoon
Dear Mr./Mrs./Ms. Raccoon:
Your St. Valentine’s Day Chicken Massacre was not appreciated by the residents of Pleasant Hill Farm. Your wanton waste of gentle poultry who are just gearing up to enter their most productive season after being mere grain consumers all winter particularly disgusts us.
Nonetheless, you are welcome to return tonight, though you will not find any chickens in the hen house. Tonight the surviving hens and lone rooster are safely billeted in the garage. Instead, please direct your ravenous appetite toward the liver you will find in one of the traps, er, the interesting metal sculptures set up around the hen house. And, don’t think you will get away with merely tipping over said metal structure to steal the bait as you did last night. We are on to your tricks and are prepared.
We hope to see you soon.
Mrs. Pleasant Hill Farmwife